Complaining Versus Fixing – Being a Fixer instead of A Complainer
Ever meet one of those people who constantly complains? “This is too hot”, “that’s too cold”, “this isn’t working”, “I don’t like that”, the list goes on and on. And, what’s funny, is they never actually fix anything they complain about. It’s as if they really just enjoy complaining about it. Nothing is really wrong with their life, or situation, they just enjoy complaining. Why not?
It’s easy, it’s an easy trap to fall into. It’s very easy to complain. What takes work is fixing what your actually complaining about. Taking some action to change, or alter what you don’t like.
To complain you have to look at the negative. You have to notice, point out, and acknowledge what doesn’t work, or what’s not working. To some degree this can be beneficial – if you’re creating something like a book or a piece of music, you have to notice and pick out the parts that you don’t like. The key is that you actually fix them. Just leaving it the way it is, you’ll end up with a crappy book or piece of music. Complaining without fixing will always end badly, and sometimes even as a disaster.
Constantly noticing what’s wrong, and what doesn’t work (without fixing it) in a relationship can be devastating. Take a marriage for example. Picking a part all the negative areas of your spouse would be a catastrophe (and some of us know this first hand). When you focus solely on the negative, you are actually emphasizing those areas, and helping them grow. What you focus on expands, so when you focus just on the negative, you’re actually growing negative. Negative thoughts, actions, reactions, and desires all grow when complaining.
What will greatly enhance your productivity and success is turning complaining into fixing. When you notice yourself complaining, think instead, “how could I fix this”. I’ve noticed successful and productive people, don’t complain much. I think they have trained themselves to bypass complaining, and go directly to fixing. They instantly turn things they don’t like into opportunities. Growth, maturity, creativity, and spontaneity come when you change from complaining to fixing. When you think about how to fix problems you become an asset, you become powerful, and proactive.
When you change your attitude from complaining to fixing, your ability to make and meet new friends becomes much easier. Think of the last time you met someone who, within the first couple minutes talking to them, managed to complain about 2 or 3 different things. You probably left the conversation thinking consciously, “What a downer”, and subconsciously “I won’t be talking to them again”. Complaining can really be a draw back when meeting new people, it just leaves them not wanting to spend time with you. On the other hand, when you meet someone with a fixing mind set, and a resolution to use problems as opportunities, the attraction to spend time with them suddenly grows. People love an up beat person who doesn’t complain and fixes problems instead of talks about them. Plus, when people see someone creative who can solve problems, and has the inner oomph to actually change things, they have an affinity for that person. Whether they conscientiously know it or not, people find ways to be around fixers, they instinctively know they’ve got something they want.
A fixing mindset that doesn’t complain will enhance your effectiveness, and ultimately your ability to succeed. Learning to fix problems instead of dwell on them changes your whole outlook. You become more productive, proactive, effective and creative. It takes action and usually hard work to fix things. It’s a lot easier to sit back and complain about something than it is to jump in an fix it. That’s one reason why people enjoy complaining, it’s a cop out. It takes literally no energy to complain about something. No extra thought or effort. Simply notice what doesn’t work and talk about it – simple. But fixing something, you have to first notice it doesn’t work (the easy part), then take action to think of ways of fixing it. This is not always very easy. You have to be creative, and very proactive, because sometimes the solutions are difficult and complicated.
Next time you see the opportunity to complain about something, ask yourself: Is it worth complaining about? Can it be fixed? And what would be 3 possible solutions to fixing it? If answers pan out to all of these questions, it might be worth bringing up, but only in the context of how you will find a solution for it.
“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.” ~ Anthony J. D’Angelo
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